So, you would have heard by now that human beings by nature are wired for survival.
According to our ancestors, this means if we’re in the cave, and Guzmo the grizzly bear is feverishly bearing down with his bad breath at us, our brains become a resounding "hell yes" to protecting the family cave, and our nervous system gears up—ready to fight!
Until either...
A) Guzmo has given in and left for forest berries and friends...
or...
B) ...well...this is just an example. Let’s just say we succumb to flight...
Does this feel like you at times?
Do you feel like Guzmo? Always fighting for peace, harmony, and protection of your kids—and for yourself?
If so, you’re not alone. Being a single mum often feels like living in survival mode, always bracing for the next challenge.
The truth is, we need these mechanisms. Otherwise, the human race would be sipping piña coladas by the poolside without a motivation in the world to create, do, and feel better. If Guzmo showed up, we’d think he was there to join us!
But what makes us so stuck in fighting for what we want when it comes to being a single mum?
How can we go from survival and protecting the cave to thriving and protecting the cave?
Why are we always wanting things to change? Wanting more money, more energy, fewer dramas with the OP?
Because deep down, we know we’d feel better. Our internal dialogues would be at peace, we’d worry less about "bear visits," and as humans, women, and mums, we’d know we’re taking enough care of ourselves to live a happier life. Our nervous systems would be at peace—and rightly so!
So the question becomes, how do we, as single mums, create more harmony in life?
How do we regulate our nervous systems to align with feeling better, even when things feel overwhelming?
How can we accept the things we can’t control and still get what we want out of life and ourselves, all while navigating tough parameters?
How can we stay guilt-aware—or even guilt-free—when we know we don’t have extra hands for weekend sports, and the house feels like it’s raining in stuff and mess?
I believe—based on experience—that we CAN accept what we can’t control and forgive ourselves for opting for “slouch potato” mode when the house has met its demise.
The first thing to know is this:
To go from survival to thriving, we need to recognize what’s giving us grief, what we’re making single mum life mean, and align with where we truly envision change and opportunity.
Here's a little snippet of my personal growth in this area:
This journey began for me the day I realized I’d be raising a child on my own. My head and heart knew I needed self-discipline and a plan so we wouldn’t live below my standards or with constant stress. I made it my mission to save as much as I could in nine months—and I did!
I moved in with Mum, wore and rewore three maternity tops, wore the same skirts to death, and stayed true to my goal: keep saving!
Then, two years ago, I threw in the towel on renting. I wanted my own place. With zero savings at the time (yes, my previous savings came and went...more on that lesson in another blog post), I managed to pull a rabbit out of a hat and make it happen!
Now, when I get home, I feel content, less like I'm in survival...I'm thriving in my little house!
Practical Tips to Thrive as a Single Mum
So, what tips can I share to help you calm the inner farm, align your life, and do the inner work to thrive every day?
Gather Tools for Your “Mum Cave”
Diaries: Track your yearly progress and routines. Plan non-negotiables like health goals, work commitments, personal goals, and hobbies.
Checklists: Perfect for ADHD or disorganized mums like me, they help manage priorities effectively.
Self-Care Journals: Self-care isn’t an afterthought! Use a journal to stay on track with giving back to yourself.
Mindfulness Practices & Meditation Apps: Explore apps like Calm or Headspace to develop habits that center you.
Rituals & Routines: A 5-minute mantra or morning gratitude walk can help ground your day.
Build a Support System
Parenting Counsellors: Seek tailored guidance from professionals.
Community Groups: Connect with like-minded mums for mutual support.
Healing Facilitators: Explore modalities like shamanic healing or hypnotherapy for emotional balance.
Set Visions, Goals, and Beliefs
Fun fact: Four years ago, I nonchalantly created a vision board with a simple “Home Sweet Home” image. To this day, I pinch myself at how it became my reality!
You, too, can create a vision for yourself. No matter how challenging it feels as a single mum, you can step out of survival mode and embrace a life of joy, inspiration, and peace. Remember, you’re aim is to not just stay surviving—you’re to work on thriving!
And when those moments of doubt creep in, remind yourself: You’re capable, you’re resilient, and you’re made for more.
Here's some easy and powerful ways to start to create more alignment and work towards thriving and a vision for your happy mum life.
Create a Vision Board
How to do it: - Gather magazines, printouts, or images from the internet that represent your goals, desires, and dreams. Arrange them on a board or large piece of paper and place it somewhere you'll see everyday!!
Why it works: Visualizing your goals can help your subconscious mind focus on the actions needed to achieve them. Place your vision board somewhere visible to keep your best mum life plan on top of mind!
Practice Visualisation
How to do it: Take a few minutes each day to close your eyes, relax, and vividly imagine yourself living the life you desire. See yourself achieving your goals, feeling the emotions, and experiencing the success.
Why it works: Regularly visualizing your ideal future helps condition your mind to focus on what you want, rather than what you fear or lack. It strengthens your belief in what’s possible.
Mind Mapping
How to do it: Start with a central idea (like "My Ideal Life") and branch out to different aspects such as career, family, finances, and personal growth. Add specific goals or actions under each category.
Why it works: Mind mapping allows you to visually organize your thoughts and create a clear roadmap for achieving your vision. It helps you break down big goals into manageable steps.
i.e - If your vision is to switch careers towards something that better supports your kids, break down your thoughts, identify roadblocks and work out what just the inital step will be...:) Sometimes it also helps not to see the entire picture so that we can take action.
GOALS
Fact - Not everyone sets a goal knowing that they will achieve it. But in my opinion, it's better to strive or aim for something and fail than not to try at all:)
My simple tips for setting goals as a single mum.
Decide what is most important to you that will shift you from feeling like you're in survival mode to more of what you want and thriving, and just focus on that. Goals aren't meant to be super easy, they are meant to teach us things abouty our potential and reasons for being human and mum, so if you have a goal of simply getting out of your parents house and becoming more independant, or raising 10K to get your babies to disneyland then focus on that...where there's one goal to be achieved there's another!
I think goals is not so much about the size or how many goals, but more about the intention and decision to go after it that counts:)
BELIEFS
Fun fact: beliefs can physically alter the structure of your brain!!
Beliefs are the foundation of what we create in life because they shape our thoughts, actions, and perceptions. When we believe in our ability to achieve something, we naturally align our behavior with that belief, making it more likely to come to fruition. Conversely, limiting beliefs can hold us back, creating self-doubt and preventing us from pursuing opportunities. Our beliefs act as a filter for how we see the world, influence our choices, and ultimately determine our success or failure. Cultivating empowering beliefs is key to unlocking our potential and manifesting our desires.
Actionable tip: Write down your beliefs, the helpful ones and the not so helpful ones, ask yourself, 'why do I think this?' Dig deeper to to root of that belief and decide what support you need to better understand what may be holding you back, are propelling your growth!
Last but not least...:)
CULTIVATE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF
As single mums, I think the first priority to help us create more of what we love to do is to actually feel like we have the physical and emotional capacity to do so!! Sometimes that doesn't come by so easy when we have all these responsibilities, unwanted beliefs, and competing desires, but if in those moments we have an inner knowing that our emotions are being nurtured, and we're content with our relationship with self, then this provides a foundation for us to stay on track and be more naturally aware in those challenging times.
My best tip for single mums to create a healthy relationship with self.
Don't self sacrifice - Your happiness matters as much as your kids happiness:) Take that morning workout, spend a little extra time on you every day or say no to a boozy friday and opt for nourishing food, good convo and girl time:)
Move your body by doing what you love - Whether you dance at dawn, sing with the vacuum, hike to timbuktoo, bring joyful movement into your days...it's what I like to call a pattern interrupt, this takes us out of routine, even if it's for 5 mintues...just dance 🙂
Practice daily self awareness - Practicing daily self-awareness means taking intentional time each day to tune into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgement. It involves noticing how you’re feeling in the moment, what triggers your responses, and how your actions align with your values and goals. By regularly checking in with yourself, you can gain clarity on your needs, desires, and patterns, allowing you to make more conscious choices.
I hope this blog post bring something for you, even if it's one tip you take away then my job is done...now I can go and make scrambled eggs for dinner...hahaha.
Keep rising!
Steph
XX
