So you would have heard by now that human beings by nature are wired for survival.
So this according to our ancestors, means if we are in the cave, we fling open the door, and guzmo the grizzly bear is feverishly bearing down his bad breathe at us....our brains become a 'hell yes' to protecting the family cave and our nervous system gears up...ready to fight!
Until either...
A) Guzmo has given in and left for forrest berries and friends...
or...
B)...well....this is just an example...let's just say we succumb to flight...
Does this feel like you at times?
Do you feel like Guzmo? Always fighting for peace, harmony and protection of your kids, and for yourself?
You're not alone....:)
The truth is, we need these mechanisms, otherwise the human race would sipping pina coladas by the poolside without a motivation in the world to create, do and feel better..and if guzmo showed we'd think he was there to join us...!
But what makes us so stuck in fighting for what we want when it comes to being a single mum?
How can we go from survival, and protecting the cave, to thriving and protecting the cave?
Why are we always wanting things to change? Wanting more money? More energy and less dramas with the OP?
Because we intuitively know we'd feel better, our internal dialgoues would be at peace, we'd have less worries about bear visits, and as humans, women and mums we'd know we're taking enough care of ourselves to maintain a happy life....our nervous systems would be at peace!
And rightly so!
So the question becomes really, how do we as single mums create more harmony in life...and regulate our nervous systems to align to feeling better, including when things just seem really challenging?
How can you take charge to learn, adapt, nurture and grow?
And can we ACCEPT things we cannot control, and get what we want out of ourselves whilst still navigating parameters?
How can we be guilt aware or guilt free when we know we just dont have extra hands for weekend sport and the house feels like it's raining in stuff and mess?
I believe, and from experience we can accept what we can't control and we can be more forgiving of ourselves when we opt for slouch potato mode and the house has met it's demise...
But the first thing to know is that for us to go from survival to thriving and made for more we need to recognize what's giving us grief, what we're making things mean about single mum life and inevitably align to where we really envision change and opportunity..
This journey began for me the day I knew I would be raising a child on my own. My head and heart knew I'd need to create self discipline and plan so that we would have enough to live not below my standards and with less stress, so I made it my mission to save as much as I could in 9 months and I did! I moved in with mum, acquired and re-wore 3 materntiy tops, I wore the same skirts to death and stayed true to my goal, keep saving!
Then, 2 years ago I threw in towel and said no more renting I want my own place, and with 0 savings at the time (yes my previous savings came and went...more on this lesson in another blog post) I managed to pull a rabbit out of a hat and make it happen!...
So....give me the tips you say!
Ok, so here's what I recommend to help you calm the inner farm, discover the magic of alignment, and do the inner work to support your vision to thrive more everyday.
SEEK TOOLS AND SUPPORT
Tools
Fun tip - You know how men have a man cave? They have all these tools, that help them do a bunch useful man stuff? Well think of how you can add tools to your single mum cave. We need tools on this journey to understand alignment and inner happiness and navigate pressures.
Consider adding a couple or many of these tools to your mum cave repitoire:
-Diaries - Get a diary and track your yearly progress and routines, officeworks and kmart have some great simple diaries to get you started, and consider planning the non-negotiable stuff. Like health goals, work committments, personal goals and hobbies.
-Checklists- If you're like me, ADHD and disorganised at the best of times checklists may just be your favourite way to manage the important stuff and even not so important...!
-Self care journals - Self care should never be an after thought! Building a routine and using a journal to help you stay on track with giving back to you is an inexpensive way to add to your Mum cave repoitoire..etsy has some amazing printables, also kmart.
-Mindfulness practices - Develop simple minfulness practices you can use throughout your day...here's a couple of mindfulness articles which give you some tools to help you start today:
https://www.mindful.org/take-a-mindful-moment-5-simple-practices-for-daily-life/
https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/
-Meditation apps - Some of the top rated mindfulness apps include: Calm, Headspace and Happier, and let's be real, in this day and age, we all need mindfulness.
-Rituals & routines- Going to bali recently made me realise how much rituals can give us a sense of connection and ground us in life. Whether you DO a 5 min breakthwork and mantra in the evening, or wake up and walk with gratitude 4 days a week, choose a mini ritual that aligns for you that will help you create emotional clarity, centredness and mind / body connection every day.
-Self coaching questions - Make a list of great self coaching questions that help you uncover where you might need more clarity. My guest writer (A.K.A Mum, hug slave, age defying lady) will be doing a blog post soon to offer some great coaching questions to help you navigate feeling stuck.
-Podcasts / Reading & education - i.e coursera, udemy, podcasts, self education is the best education. Here's my top 5 podcast recommendations : On Purpose - Jay Shetty, The Life Coach School - Brooke Castillio, The Goal Digger Podcast - Jenna Kutcher, Shameless, The Mel Robbins Podcast.
SUPPORT
-Specialised parenting counsellors -If you're navigating the challenges of motherhood, a specialised parenting counsellor can offer tailored guidance and emotional support to help you feel supported on your journey."
-Community groups - Seek out supportive community groups where you can connect with like-minded mums and people who understand your experiences and provide a safe space to share, learn, and grow together. This can be anything from a single mums support group, to walking groups, hobby groups, the P&C, womens groups...and many more!:)
-Healing facilitators - A healing facilitator can help you tap into your inner strength, providing nurturing support to heal emotional wounds and enhance your well-being as a mum.
-Breathwork classes -Breathwork classes offer a powerful way to release stress and connect deeply with your body, helping you find calm and clarity amidst the demands of motherhood.
-Shamanic Healing - Shamanic healing can guide you on a spiritual journey to restore balance and reconnect with your true self, offering profound support for emotional and physical well-being.
-Hypnotherapy & Psychotherapy - Hypnotherapy and psychotherapy combine deep relaxation and insightful conversation to help you address underlying issues, reduce stress, and nurture your emotional health as a mum.
-Talk therapy - Talk therapy provides a safe and confidential space to explore your thoughts and feelings, helping you process challenges and build resilience on your motherhood and life journey
VISIONS, GOALS and BELIEFS
VISION
Fun Fact - 4 years ago I did a vision board very non chalantly, it had a cut out image of a quote 'home sweet home' with a simple picture of a house....and to this day I still pinch myself at how I actually became my relaity!! (I will share this story soon).
And for your inspiration, here's my latest vision board, although I think for 2025 I'll do a new one:)
So...to create vision here's some easy and powerful ways to start to create more alignment and work towards thriving.
Create a Vision Board
How to do it: - Gather magazines, printouts, or images from the internet that represent your goals, desires, and dreams. Arrange them on a board or large piece of paper.
Why it works: Visualizing your goals can help your subconscious mind focus on the actions needed to achieve them. Place your vision board somewhere visible to keep your best mum life plan on top of mind!
Practice Visualisation
How to do it: Take a few minutes each day to close your eyes, relax, and vividly imagine yourself living the life you desire. See yourself achieving your goals, feeling the emotions, and experiencing the success.
Why it works: Regularly visualizing your ideal future helps condition your mind to focus on what you want, rather than what you fear or lack. It strengthens your belief in what’s possible.
Mind Mapping
How to do it: Start with a central idea (like "My Ideal Life") and branch out to different aspects such as career, family, finances, and personal growth. Add specific goals or actions under each category.
Why it works: Mind mapping allows you to visually organize your thoughts and create a clear roadmap for achieving your vision. It helps you break down big goals into manageable steps.
i.e - If your vision is to switch careers towards something that better supports your kids, break down your thoughts, identify roadblocks and work out what just the inital step will be...:) Sometimes it also helps not to see the entire picture so that we can take action.
GOALS
Fact - Not everyone sets a goal knowing that they will achieve it. But in my opinion, it's better to strive or aim for something and fail than not to try at all:)
My simple tips for setting goals as a single mum.
Decide what is most important to you that will shift you from feeling like you're in survival mode to more of what you want and thriving, and just focus on that. Goals aren't meant to be super easy, they are meant to teach us things abouty our potential and reasons for being human and mum, so if you have a goal of simply getting out of your parents house and becoming more independant, or raising 10K to get your babies to disneyland then focus on that.
I think goals is not so much about the size or how many goals, but more about the intention and decision to go after it that counts:)
BELIEFS
Fun fact: beliefs can physically alter the structure of your brain!!
Beliefs are the foundation of what we create in life because they shape our thoughts, actions, and perceptions. When we believe in our ability to achieve something, we naturally align our behavior with that belief, making it more likely to come to fruition. Conversely, limiting beliefs can hold us back, creating self-doubt and preventing us from pursuing opportunities. Our beliefs act as a filter for how we see the world, influence our choices, and ultimately determine our success or failure. Cultivating empowering beliefs is key to unlocking our potential and manifesting our desires.
Actionable tip: Write down your beliefs, the helpful ones and the not so helpful ones, ask yourself, 'why do I think this?' Dig deeper to to root of that belief and decide what support you need to better understand what may be holding you back, are propelling your growth!
Last but not least...:)
CULTIVATE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF
As single mums, I think the first priority to help us create more of what we love to do is to actually feel like we have the physical and emotional capacity to do so!! Sometimes that doesn't come by so easy when we have all these responsibilities, unwanted beliefs, and competing desires, but if in those moments we have an inner knowing that our emotions are being nurtured, and we're content with our relationship with self, then this provides a foundation for us to stay on track and be more naturally aware in those challenging times.
My best tip for single mums to create a healthy relationship with self.
Don't self sacrifice - Your happiness matters as much as your kids happiness:) Take that morning workout, spend a little extra time on you every day.
Move your body by doing what you love - Whether you dance at dawn, sing with the vacuum, hike to timbuktoo, bring joyful movement into your days...it's what I like to call a pattern interrupt, this takes us out of routine, even if it's for 5 mintues...just dance 🙂
Practice daily self awareness - Practicing daily self-awareness means taking intentional time each day to tune into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgement. It involves noticing how you’re feeling in the moment, what triggers your responses, and how your actions align with your values and goals. By regularly checking in with yourself, you can gain clarity on your needs, desires, and patterns, allowing you to make more conscious choices.
I hope this blog post bring something for you, even if it's one tip you take away then my job is done...now I can go and make scrambled eggs for dinner...hahaha.
Keep rising!
Steph
XX
